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Husbands and wives in Japan?

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Liz21
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Husbands and wives in Japan?

Postby Liz21 » May 21st, 2006 4:12 pm

In the U.S. it's customary for husbands and wives to go out together to the movies, to dinner, to sports events and to visit friends. Of course, many times husbands go out with their male friends and women go with their female friends. I have heard that in Japan, husbands go out by themselves with their friends, not with their wives. Is this true?

Bueller_007
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Re: Husbands and wives in Japan?

Postby Bueller_007 » May 22nd, 2006 11:02 am

Liz21 wrote:In the U.S. it's customary for husbands and wives to go out together to the movies, to dinner, to sports events and to visit friends. Of course, many times husbands go out with their male friends and women go with their female friends. I have heard that in Japan, husbands go out by themselves with their friends, not with their wives. Is this true?

Kind of. Japanese people have to work late a lot, so couples don't have a lot of time together. They are sometimes "forced" to go out drinking with their colleagues and associates. And sometimes they do it willingly, just like at home.

Many of my Japanese friends have commented that older Japanese couples seem MUCH unhappier than older foreign couples. I think this comes from "arranged" marriages (which are still common) and a general lack of divorce in Japan. If a couple is unhappy, it is natural that they don't do things together. The women go out and do things with their friends a lot as well. (Although this seems to be daytime, rather than nighttime, activity.)

But this is all just generalization, so whatever.

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Liz21
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Postby Liz21 » July 5th, 2006 3:20 am


Thanks to Bueller for his interesting reply! I would like to hear something from others about this topic. Thanks.

jkid
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Postby jkid » July 29th, 2006 1:59 am

According to JCC #22 arranged marriages are no longer very common.

http://www.japanesepod101.com/2006/07/22/japanese-culture-class-22-getting-married/

Bueller_007
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Postby Bueller_007 » July 29th, 2006 4:08 am

japkid wrote:According to JCC #22 arranged marriages are no longer very common.

http://www.japanesepod101.com/2006/07/22/japanese-culture-class-22-getting-married/

Not among young people. But a very large number of people over the age of 40 (or 50?) had "arranged marriages". They've by no means disappeared. This is what I was referring to.

The term is misleading, however, because as Westerners, our image of the "arranged marriage" is the parents of two children getting together and basically selling off their child for a dowry. This doesn't happen in Japan. It's simply a marriage "fix-up", when someone (often an old woman in the neighbourhood) introduces two people, and if they like each other and the families approve, they'll get married (after a quick background check, of course).

I've heard that they're still common today amongst women who have no brothers. There's a lot of pressure on these women to continue their family names. (When a woman gets married in Japan, she is placed on her husband's family register, and so are all of their children, basically killing off her own famiy name.) So that means that these women have to find a man who is willing to take HER name, and this is difficult, so she might get a little help from one of the old women in the neighbourhood. Alternately, they just date foreigners. (If a Japanese person marries a foreigner, their name remains on their own family register.)

I know a girl who is, shall we say, 被差別部落民 ("hisabetsu burakumin", a minority group of ethnic Japanese who are discriminated against because of the occupations of their ancestors.) She's getting hitched in an arranged marriage (later this year?) to someone who I assume also might be "hisabetsu burakumin". (He's a garbage collector). I never asked her why she had to resort to an arranged marriage (she's only 26, and not that bad looking), but I assume it was because of her status. They're illegal, but sometimes (often?), before marriage or during dating, Japanese parents hire a private investigator to check on the personal background of their potential in-laws. If you're a "hisabetsu burakumin", you're out. So if these people have moved outside of a 同和地区 ("douwa chiku", burakumin area), might often need arranged marriages to find spouses as well. I'm not sure.

JonB
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It also seems common

Postby JonB » January 4th, 2007 2:54 am

for them to go on spearate holidays. I know a lot of couples that do this - the wife heads to the beach and shops whilst the husband goes to the golf course.

I guess that could come down to arranged marriages as well and not maryying someone you have something in common with like a holiday hobby - diving, sailing, golf etc.

Psy
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Re: Husbands and wives in Japan?

Postby Psy » January 12th, 2007 9:42 pm

Bueller_007 wrote:. . . and a general lack of divorce in Japan. . .


I don't have much to back up my assertions at the moment, but I've always heard that the Japan's divorce rate was rather high, and that extramarital affairs are often the reason why. Gonna have to look into this later...

Bueller_007
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Re: Husbands and wives in Japan?

Postby Bueller_007 » January 14th, 2007 6:23 am

Psy wrote:
Bueller_007 wrote:. . . and a general lack of divorce in Japan. . .


I don't have much to back up my assertions at the moment, but I've always heard that the Japan's divorce rate was rather high, and that extramarital affairs are often the reason why. Gonna have to look into this later...

http://www2.ttcn.ne.jp/~honkawa/9100.html

Japan is #22 of 62 countries in the UN ranking, ranking alongside Canada, Holland, Norway and Switzerland. Trails England rather significantly, and it's well, well, well behind America.

foxyshez
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Re: Husbands and wives in Japan?

Postby foxyshez » January 30th, 2008 9:18 am

Liz21 wrote:In the U.S. it's customary for husbands and wives to go out together to the movies, to dinner, to sports events and to visit friends. Of course, many times husbands go out with their male friends and women go with their female friends. I have heard that in Japan, husbands go out by themselves with their friends, not with their wives. Is this true?


not always but i think less than in the west.

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