Confused and Perhaps Unmotivated
Posted: July 27th, 2013 3:48 am
This will be a long story. I had an account at Language-Exchanges and when I tried to communicate with the Japanese language partners there and mentioned video games, it all went downhill from there, and was blocked and deleted one by one, and I eventually deleted my Language-Exchanges account and even shut down my Skype account and stopped talking to people both online and real life almost completely, and while this may not sound logical, every time I play a Japanese game, I'm reminded of what happened over the past several months, and even ask myself "Were these soul-filled experiences really created by Japanese people, or am I hallucinating?" I even play Western games to avoid the extreme emotional pain triggered when I play Japanese-made games; to top this I suffer from autism, anxiety and severe clinical depression, so I know that does play a role too. Mainly, I feel incredibly unmotivated to study Japanese, because I keep thinking that everyone will be like the people whom blocked and deleted me, but I don't want to give it up completely. I apologize for any offense caused, and for treating this like a counseling session, I am just very confused, and do not even know how I feel right now. Thank you very much for reading.